To my English friends, think American for this one.
"Who do ancient Egyptians go to when they have problems with their plumbing?'
"Pharaoh Fawcett Majors"
Well, I thought it was funny when I heard it. Still do.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Ha ha HAAAAA!!!
Oh yes, this one deserves many exclamation marks. Read 'em and weep...
I. AM. GOING. TO. EGYPT. FOR. 3. WEEKS. ON. VICTORIA. UNIVERSITY. AND. THEY. ARE. GOING. TO. PAY. ME.
Ha ha haaaaa!!!
Just in case you're not getting this I quote a very wise friend of mine -
"So that would be like someone asking me if I wanted to be paid to go to New York and have a bar crawl followed by loads of free gigs?'
Yes.
I. AM. GOING. TO. EGYPT. FOR. 3. WEEKS. ON. VICTORIA. UNIVERSITY. AND. THEY. ARE. GOING. TO. PAY. ME.
Ha ha haaaaa!!!
Just in case you're not getting this I quote a very wise friend of mine -
"So that would be like someone asking me if I wanted to be paid to go to New York and have a bar crawl followed by loads of free gigs?'
Yes.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
More on t-shirts.
I saw someone yesterday wearing a t-shirt with a silhouette of NZ and the words "Born Here".
I am thinking of getting a t-shirt made with a picture of the maternity ward at Pembury Hospital on it and the same wording. Or maybe never wearing a t-shirt again as an act of defiance.
I am thinking of getting a t-shirt made with a picture of the maternity ward at Pembury Hospital on it and the same wording. Or maybe never wearing a t-shirt again as an act of defiance.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Ouch, there's something in my eye.
No clever metaphor, there is something in my eye.
Fellow contact lens wearers will understand my distress and the really bloody annoying phenomenon by which the aforementioned "thing" miraculously disappears by the time you reach a mirror. But only after you have stumbled, half-blind, down a corridor/hallway, clutching at a very unattractive red & watering eye socket. Then, of course, people assume you are hideously upset by something. Annoying, like I said.
Things have been all go in this neck of the woods. It's been so hectic I don't possibly have time to record it all here, but I will give you taster of THINGS I COULD WRITE ABOUT, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO just to be aggravating: WOMAD, me slidng/falling down the stairs naked whilst drunk (I giggled alot & Jo scowled), making school lunches with a bona fide surf chick, Jo's parent's new bathroom, the wonderousness of the food at the annual Indian fair, Ghost Rider at the flicks, CDs I have bought. That last one sounds a bit crap, doesn't it? Actually, the bathroom doesn't sound too enthralling either. Indeed today you have the high honour of reading all about my blossoming career in archaeology, and only 15 years after I completed my undergraduate degree - who says I have no ambition/drive/sense of purpose? Not me.
I believe I mentioned that I had an evening being all "expert-y" on the subject of mummies in museums at Te Papa (v. important museum over here, just thought I'd throw that in). Well, I survived despite the horror of having to do the public speaking thing. My voice finally settled to a normal pitch after about 5 minutes of blathering, I didn't swear, I don't think I rolled my eyes at any of the questions (though some were asking for it), I did wave my hands about alot, but that was it. Good for me. I even masterfully deflected the question that somehow managed to reference Anna Nicole Smith. And I said "curse-ed" in a piratey manner, just to amuse myself.
Well, inspired by the fact that I actually enjoyed myself and got paid for just talking the usual guff that people who know me/complete strangers can get for free if they have the misfortune to either a) ask me what I do, or b) mention anything vaguely relating to archaeology, I decided it was time to get this show on the road. Despite my antipathy for anything that could be classed as proactive (my enormous, yet frail, ego demands everyone/thing come to me), I went batshit crazy and sent out some emails. I know! I mean that involved looking up addresses and actually writing stuff. Sometimes I don't know how I fit it all in alongside my tea consumption and singing along to music most other people would frown at (Rufus Wainwright at the moment - so camp he makes the Scissor Sisters look like Einsturzende Neubauten, but I just love the show tuneiness).
First port of call = Victoria University of Wellington - chasing up their not outright rejection of my offer to help out with their proposed study tour to Egypt in 2008. Progress to date = one meeting to look over their possible itinerary (only two days in Luxor. Gah!), a second meeting this very afternoon to meet the bloke heading the tour. No talk of any actual work as yet, but I am guessing they'll be doing some seminars/classes prior to taking this trip and might just have something for me.
Second = Te Papa - still on for giving a guided tour of their current Egyptian exhibition in April. Did have a moment when I wondered whether they might cancel in horror after my "expert" session, but since then I have watched "the Antiques Roadshow" and realise that lots of people get paid for appearing to know something about a particular subject whilst not actually giving any proof that they do.
Third = Newlands College Community Education Centre - I noticed that, bizarrely, they teach an evening class in hieroglyphics (I should go along, I can only remember about 3 phrases and I'm pretty sure I am butchering them). So, a couple of emails & a course outline later and I'm officially booked in to start teaching an "Introduction to Ancient Egypt" evening class as of August.
Fourth = Wellington High School Community Education Centre - emailed them too. They are checking out their schedule and will get back in touch once they have found space for my class.
HOW COOL IS THAT? I am going to get paid to talk to other people about ye olde egypte. Ha ha haaaaaaa! I am very excited.
It also means I get to spend alot of time going over old notes/reading and thinking "oh yeah, I remember all this now", which is surprising considering how much I faffed about whilst I was at university. Except for when I was a mature MA student and took it all very seriously, and did quite well as a result even if I do say so myself.
Other news - "Rich Girl" by Hall & Oates is on now, I am joining in with the backing vocal parts. Jo & I have changed our civil union venue, mainly because the place we had thought of wouldn't budge an inch on anything and now we have the whole ground floor of a house. I have officially given up trying to take Gertie jogging with me, but have realised that I am now used to running as very slow unco-operative dog speed and am unfit (again).
Adios...
Fellow contact lens wearers will understand my distress and the really bloody annoying phenomenon by which the aforementioned "thing" miraculously disappears by the time you reach a mirror. But only after you have stumbled, half-blind, down a corridor/hallway, clutching at a very unattractive red & watering eye socket. Then, of course, people assume you are hideously upset by something. Annoying, like I said.
Things have been all go in this neck of the woods. It's been so hectic I don't possibly have time to record it all here, but I will give you taster of THINGS I COULD WRITE ABOUT, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO just to be aggravating: WOMAD, me slidng/falling down the stairs naked whilst drunk (I giggled alot & Jo scowled), making school lunches with a bona fide surf chick, Jo's parent's new bathroom, the wonderousness of the food at the annual Indian fair, Ghost Rider at the flicks, CDs I have bought. That last one sounds a bit crap, doesn't it? Actually, the bathroom doesn't sound too enthralling either. Indeed today you have the high honour of reading all about my blossoming career in archaeology, and only 15 years after I completed my undergraduate degree - who says I have no ambition/drive/sense of purpose? Not me.
I believe I mentioned that I had an evening being all "expert-y" on the subject of mummies in museums at Te Papa (v. important museum over here, just thought I'd throw that in). Well, I survived despite the horror of having to do the public speaking thing. My voice finally settled to a normal pitch after about 5 minutes of blathering, I didn't swear, I don't think I rolled my eyes at any of the questions (though some were asking for it), I did wave my hands about alot, but that was it. Good for me. I even masterfully deflected the question that somehow managed to reference Anna Nicole Smith. And I said "curse-ed" in a piratey manner, just to amuse myself.
Well, inspired by the fact that I actually enjoyed myself and got paid for just talking the usual guff that people who know me/complete strangers can get for free if they have the misfortune to either a) ask me what I do, or b) mention anything vaguely relating to archaeology, I decided it was time to get this show on the road. Despite my antipathy for anything that could be classed as proactive (my enormous, yet frail, ego demands everyone/thing come to me), I went batshit crazy and sent out some emails. I know! I mean that involved looking up addresses and actually writing stuff. Sometimes I don't know how I fit it all in alongside my tea consumption and singing along to music most other people would frown at (Rufus Wainwright at the moment - so camp he makes the Scissor Sisters look like Einsturzende Neubauten, but I just love the show tuneiness).
First port of call = Victoria University of Wellington - chasing up their not outright rejection of my offer to help out with their proposed study tour to Egypt in 2008. Progress to date = one meeting to look over their possible itinerary (only two days in Luxor. Gah!), a second meeting this very afternoon to meet the bloke heading the tour. No talk of any actual work as yet, but I am guessing they'll be doing some seminars/classes prior to taking this trip and might just have something for me.
Second = Te Papa - still on for giving a guided tour of their current Egyptian exhibition in April. Did have a moment when I wondered whether they might cancel in horror after my "expert" session, but since then I have watched "the Antiques Roadshow" and realise that lots of people get paid for appearing to know something about a particular subject whilst not actually giving any proof that they do.
Third = Newlands College Community Education Centre - I noticed that, bizarrely, they teach an evening class in hieroglyphics (I should go along, I can only remember about 3 phrases and I'm pretty sure I am butchering them). So, a couple of emails & a course outline later and I'm officially booked in to start teaching an "Introduction to Ancient Egypt" evening class as of August.
Fourth = Wellington High School Community Education Centre - emailed them too. They are checking out their schedule and will get back in touch once they have found space for my class.
HOW COOL IS THAT? I am going to get paid to talk to other people about ye olde egypte. Ha ha haaaaaaa! I am very excited.
It also means I get to spend alot of time going over old notes/reading and thinking "oh yeah, I remember all this now", which is surprising considering how much I faffed about whilst I was at university. Except for when I was a mature MA student and took it all very seriously, and did quite well as a result even if I do say so myself.
Other news - "Rich Girl" by Hall & Oates is on now, I am joining in with the backing vocal parts. Jo & I have changed our civil union venue, mainly because the place we had thought of wouldn't budge an inch on anything and now we have the whole ground floor of a house. I have officially given up trying to take Gertie jogging with me, but have realised that I am now used to running as very slow unco-operative dog speed and am unfit (again).
Adios...
Friday, March 09, 2007
Magic trousers
Jo has just informed me that my new trousers enhance my English accent.
Apparently it's because they look very "Carnaby Street". I checked that she didn't mean very "Austin Powers", she didn't.
Maybe if I get some other 'nationalistic' trousers I'll be able to do more accents? Or perhaps I should just get some 'able to sing in tune and not constantly spout incomprehensible drivel' slacks? Oooo...do they make 'darn fine tap-dancer' kecks? I've always harboured secret (not so much anymore) yearning to trip the light fantastic - too much Gene Kelly as a whipper snapper.
Apparently it's because they look very "Carnaby Street". I checked that she didn't mean very "Austin Powers", she didn't.
Maybe if I get some other 'nationalistic' trousers I'll be able to do more accents? Or perhaps I should just get some 'able to sing in tune and not constantly spout incomprehensible drivel' slacks? Oooo...do they make 'darn fine tap-dancer' kecks? I've always harboured secret (not so much anymore) yearning to trip the light fantastic - too much Gene Kelly as a whipper snapper.
On t-shirts & car number plates.
It's really sunny outside & that is where I should be, but as I said I would write today I am indoors WRITING. Lest you should think this means I will scarper outside and lounge listlessly in the sun as soon as I have logged off, let it be known that it is almost 5pm and there will be butt-crack all sun in the back garden by then. Feeling the guilt yet? I thought not.
But first - a cup of tea.
Sorry, that took longer than I thought. Got interrupted by a couple of phone calls. Busy, busy me.
To set the scene yet further, I am listening to my new iTunes car/travelling mix, mainly because I realised yesterday that I only knew about half the words to most of the songs and if I am going to inflict my tuneless caterwauling on others I think I should at least get the lyrics correct. Though the rock n' roll nature of this playlist is somewhat in contrast to the little old lady nature of our car: most NZers insist on driving either silly silly SUVs or boy-racer Japanese thingies with enormously loud exhausts. After me, "U. G. L. Y. You ain't got no alibi...". My ramblings on this subject are semi-inspired by a very cruisy drive up the coast yesterday and some general observations about the folks in these parts. I have become a little fixated on two strangely (to me) common features of NZ life, namely NZ/NZ locality themed t-shirts and personalised number plates on cars.
Personalised car number plates are so common over here that I once spent more time than I should have trying to figure out one particularly cunning example. Was it a phonetic combination of letters and numbers (such as "BST M8" = best mate), a straightforward abbreviation, or something more sinister? No, it was just a random meaningless jumble of letters and numbers. How dull. Yesterday I saw this legend upon a fairly nice car - BEEYATCH. Now, wouldn't you be thrilled to have that adorning your vehicle? Tough, someone classy has already nabbed it. Other recent classics = PRPLE CR (it was a purple car; thanks for sharing), YAIS M8 ("yus mate", which I love because it was a favoured catchphrase of my great uncle George) and WNK 3R - actually I made that up. It was TSS 3R. Made that up too.
But I do know of someone over here who changed their middle name to "Danger", so they could say "Danger is my middle name". A sibling won a name change competition on a local radio station and had it changed to "Dangermouse". That'll learn 'em.
Similarly, but not really linked at all, there is a really big thing for wearing NZ themed t-shirts arounds these parts. I recently read that one "guest" of NZ suggested that perhaps there was a legal requirement that every resident had to own at least one, to be worn once a week (bare minimum). Hmm...it could be true.
If you don't believe me then check out www.billitees.co.nz.
One commonly worn motif depicts the two main islands of NZ accompanied by the legend "home". Um, yeah? I kind of know that seeing as we are both in NZ, and you're wearing a geographically specific t-shirt in the typical Kiwi fashion. Bit of a give away.
I wanted to get a t-shirt made with a portrait of the Queen and emblazoned with "I'm the boss of you" just to see if I can provoke the locals. I have been advised this would not go down well. Damn.
Not only can you buy generic NZ t-shirts, you can get more detailed and have a city-focused motif, and then go further and get a suburb/neighbourhood themed design. Anyone desperate for a "Newtown" t-shirt feel free to call, they sell them in the shop on the corner of our street. It reminds me of that irritating thing we used to write when kids i.e. Grumpy But Amusing, 6 Bloggins St, Newtown, Wellington, New Zealand, Australasia, Oceania, The Earth, The Solar System, The Universe. Maybe I could get a t-shirt with that on it? In ascending order! Now, that's an idea.
If you are being pc (or simply want to confuse non-locals) you could go for the Aotearoa design. Aotearoa being Maori for "Land of the Long White Cloud", that being what we colonials refer to as "New Zealand".
If you are being obtuse you can go for any one of numerous motifs that liberally make use of kiwis, paua shells, sheep, koru, or NZ catchphrases, such as "choice", "sweet as", "bro" etc etc.
See? It's a national obsession. To paraphrase Ozzy Osbourne, if you really want to be original in NZ don't get a NZ themed t-shirt. Fight it. Fight the urge.
I have one. But it's discreet. And it only shows the Bucket Fountain in Cuba St, so it's pretentious too. Right up my street.
Tomorrow is Wellington's annual Lesbian & Gay Fair. It rocks so hard it can entirely contained in the playground of the local school. And the headline act is someone/something called "Boyband". Think of me and weep.
Luckily we have an expert margarita maker coming over in the evening.
Bonsoir.
But first - a cup of tea.
Sorry, that took longer than I thought. Got interrupted by a couple of phone calls. Busy, busy me.
To set the scene yet further, I am listening to my new iTunes car/travelling mix, mainly because I realised yesterday that I only knew about half the words to most of the songs and if I am going to inflict my tuneless caterwauling on others I think I should at least get the lyrics correct. Though the rock n' roll nature of this playlist is somewhat in contrast to the little old lady nature of our car: most NZers insist on driving either silly silly SUVs or boy-racer Japanese thingies with enormously loud exhausts. After me, "U. G. L. Y. You ain't got no alibi...". My ramblings on this subject are semi-inspired by a very cruisy drive up the coast yesterday and some general observations about the folks in these parts. I have become a little fixated on two strangely (to me) common features of NZ life, namely NZ/NZ locality themed t-shirts and personalised number plates on cars.
Personalised car number plates are so common over here that I once spent more time than I should have trying to figure out one particularly cunning example. Was it a phonetic combination of letters and numbers (such as "BST M8" = best mate), a straightforward abbreviation, or something more sinister? No, it was just a random meaningless jumble of letters and numbers. How dull. Yesterday I saw this legend upon a fairly nice car - BEEYATCH. Now, wouldn't you be thrilled to have that adorning your vehicle? Tough, someone classy has already nabbed it. Other recent classics = PRPLE CR (it was a purple car; thanks for sharing), YAIS M8 ("yus mate", which I love because it was a favoured catchphrase of my great uncle George) and WNK 3R - actually I made that up. It was TSS 3R. Made that up too.
But I do know of someone over here who changed their middle name to "Danger", so they could say "Danger is my middle name". A sibling won a name change competition on a local radio station and had it changed to "Dangermouse". That'll learn 'em.
Similarly, but not really linked at all, there is a really big thing for wearing NZ themed t-shirts arounds these parts. I recently read that one "guest" of NZ suggested that perhaps there was a legal requirement that every resident had to own at least one, to be worn once a week (bare minimum). Hmm...it could be true.
If you don't believe me then check out www.billitees.co.nz.
One commonly worn motif depicts the two main islands of NZ accompanied by the legend "home". Um, yeah? I kind of know that seeing as we are both in NZ, and you're wearing a geographically specific t-shirt in the typical Kiwi fashion. Bit of a give away.
I wanted to get a t-shirt made with a portrait of the Queen and emblazoned with "I'm the boss of you" just to see if I can provoke the locals. I have been advised this would not go down well. Damn.
Not only can you buy generic NZ t-shirts, you can get more detailed and have a city-focused motif, and then go further and get a suburb/neighbourhood themed design. Anyone desperate for a "Newtown" t-shirt feel free to call, they sell them in the shop on the corner of our street. It reminds me of that irritating thing we used to write when kids i.e. Grumpy But Amusing, 6 Bloggins St, Newtown, Wellington, New Zealand, Australasia, Oceania, The Earth, The Solar System, The Universe. Maybe I could get a t-shirt with that on it? In ascending order! Now, that's an idea.
If you are being pc (or simply want to confuse non-locals) you could go for the Aotearoa design. Aotearoa being Maori for "Land of the Long White Cloud", that being what we colonials refer to as "New Zealand".
If you are being obtuse you can go for any one of numerous motifs that liberally make use of kiwis, paua shells, sheep, koru, or NZ catchphrases, such as "choice", "sweet as", "bro" etc etc.
See? It's a national obsession. To paraphrase Ozzy Osbourne, if you really want to be original in NZ don't get a NZ themed t-shirt. Fight it. Fight the urge.
I have one. But it's discreet. And it only shows the Bucket Fountain in Cuba St, so it's pretentious too. Right up my street.
Tomorrow is Wellington's annual Lesbian & Gay Fair. It rocks so hard it can entirely contained in the playground of the local school. And the headline act is someone/something called "Boyband". Think of me and weep.
Luckily we have an expert margarita maker coming over in the evening.
Bonsoir.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
I know...I'm crap...
I have been meaning to write all week, but just haven't quite got around to it. Will do my darndest tomorrow afternoon, honest, but until then here's a summary of the previous week and some of the excitement ahead:
Last 7 days -
1. Was a bona fide professional archaeologist at a discussion forum at Te Papa
2. Spent Friday running around like a blue-arsed fly, then drove to Martinborough & drank far too much red wine
3. Went to Martinborough Fair
4. Drove home & went to Newtown Fair, watched quite a good local band perform right outside our house from our lovely new front yard
5. Celebrated 8th anniversary with Jo
Next few days -
1. Wellington Lesbian & Gay Fair - woo & hoo.
2. WOMAD
laters...
Last 7 days -
1. Was a bona fide professional archaeologist at a discussion forum at Te Papa
2. Spent Friday running around like a blue-arsed fly, then drove to Martinborough & drank far too much red wine
3. Went to Martinborough Fair
4. Drove home & went to Newtown Fair, watched quite a good local band perform right outside our house from our lovely new front yard
5. Celebrated 8th anniversary with Jo
Next few days -
1. Wellington Lesbian & Gay Fair - woo & hoo.
2. WOMAD
laters...
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