Ugh, not whilst I'm eating, please.

There's too too much to write about. And I've got into the habit of making strong coffee at home, so I'm a little giddy. Bear with me.

I was just thinking "I must blog, there is too much excitement in the news to keep to myself", whilst drinking strong coffee and fortifying myself with beans on toast, following another invigorating run/trudge up Mount Victoria with yon dog, when I espied this headline. Brace yourselves.

'Desperately Seeking A Sex Film For Cruise'.

It seems, according to the rumour mill, TomKat are considering remaking "Last Tango In Paris". Excuse me, I've just been a little bit sick in my mouth.

And if that isn't awful enough Woolies has gone bust. Where the hell are the good people of Britain going to buy their pick'n'mix now? And their really cheap plastic stuff? Luckily in NZ we have The Warehouse, which is fundamentally an industrial scale Woolworths and the biggest branch is our local, so we can go plastic fantastic nuts should we feel so inclined.

Oh, before I forget, could those of you who so desire email me your birthday date? You see I threw out the calendar with all the relevant days marked, without copying it to the new calendar, and have already caused some hoohah by forgetting strategic birthdays.

What else was I going to regale you with? The sun is shining. Which is nice. Also it makes people very sociable. During the dog run/drag up Mount Victoria there was some very jolly "good morning" bellowing at fellow outdoorsy types, a cheery "it's much easier going this way!" to the bloke struggling up the really steep bit - luckily I was flailing downhill at high speed trying to avoid my knees crumbling underneath me and much scuffing, so he couldn't thump me for being a smartarse - and a chit chat with a local builder about how much exercise the dog gets. It seems he saw me out the other day when he was exercising his pig dogs. For those who may be confused by that phrase, "pig dog" is literally a mutt used to flush out wild pigs when you go hunting, and not a generic bad guy insult from an action movie ("Die Mr Bond, you pig dog!"). Then I got all paranoid because some people like to nick dogs to use in such pig hunting shenanighans, seeing as the pigs are quite good at mangling the dogs. But beans on toast & coffee makes all things good.

On the food advice front one tip - never eat an entire packet of prunes in one day. I'll say no more.

Antenatal class was fine; mostly about breastfeeding and first aid, so now, should the nipper start choking whilst breastfeeding we're ready! I was a little disappointed in myself because I had an overwhelming urge to snigger during the breastfeeding dvd, but I blame growing up in a country that produced both Benny Hill and Dick Emery.

Just a quick aside

Mum, is your phone buggered? Can never seem to get hold of you.

S
xxx

Running up that hill

I had a conversation on the phone today with my god-daughter, who is only a couple of months away from turning 13, and it would seem that she has never heard of Marlon Brando. In case you are at all interested, this came up because I told her I was going to name our almost here child Orlando Marlon Brando.

Anyway.

I've had a rather odd day, which I partly blame on chupachups. I woke up before the crack of dawn, sometime around 4.30am I estimate, and began thinking about how the house needed a bloody good sorting out. Now before you go all "Ohh, its because you're nesting", I think it is more likely to be due to the house being a tip and our friends Cathy & Geoff arriving tomorrow. So I managed to tidy part of the house (the more 'public' areas) whilst chatting to Birmingham on the phone and semi-fashioning a dog bed out of cardboard boxes.

Then I headed off to the drama school cafe, from whence I have been cruelly cast out, ie Liz says there is no more need for my sandwich making skills seeing as the students have all pissed off for summer, to say hello, but it left me oddly depressed and feeling a little off kilter. From there I headed to pick Jo up for lunch with the "dads", which would have been alot more fun if we'd actually been able to hear ourselves over the earbleeding squawking of many a person in the basement-like enclave of Rahzoo cafe. Though the food was okay and I suppose that is the main point of lunch. The is now some change afoot regards baby names, so those of you who I have discussed this topic with please ignore previous comments. The name is changing. I think.

Still grumpy, I came home. Though I wasn't as grumpy as I was on Tuesday when I managed to spill petrol on my arm. I decided to go all proactive and take the G-beast for a run up Mount Vic. It was a killer, but the downhill part wasn't too bad. Mostly it consisted of laborious breathing, staggering and cramp. Ho hum.

The reason I blame chupachups is because I ate one of their lollipops before I was inspired to go for a run and I don't think it helped.

Off to ante-natal classes now to learn about baby cpr. Fun.

Is it weird?

that everytime I sit down to add something to the blog I have an overwhelming urge to make a cup of tea? Or is it some OCD type affliction? Anyway, I'll be back in a moment or two. Luckily now I have moved my office downstairs & it's alot easier to make tea. Well, it's not easier, that makes no sense, it's more convenient.

Would appear that I am in a grammatical mood today. Lucky you.

Of course, you know what blogging means - yes, I should be working. But, and this is a big BUT, I cannot be arsed. Though I'm sure I'll get around to it later, at some point, maybe.

I've had a couple of emails from my lovely friend Patti, whom I used to work with many moons ago when we were bright youngs things wasting our lives at EH in London, and is now very sensibly living in a lovely apartment right across the street from Trader Joe's somewhere in the USA (I'm being discreet, so that she won't get stalked). When we first met she was married and I was shacked up with an ex, something we were both far too young to be doing (oh how we wasted our youth on them!), and we bonded over a mutual streak of jaded cynicism and love of coffee. Somehow, we ended up in very different places, and we went through a couple of years of 'estrangement', possibly because we became flatmates at a point in my life when I was fucked in the head, but I still consider her one of my most reliable sounding boards. She's very cool and has a fabulous sense of self (though I'm sure she'd deny it) and one of the few people I actually want to impress.

Why am I going on about this? Because I'm about to become a parent. And I never really considered that I would be.

When I was a little girl, something that seems rather alien in retrospect, I spent most of time wanting to be a cowboy, a viking, Spartacus or Starsky. Oh yes, I was very very much of the gay. In fact, when I came out to my mum she said that she'd known that I was gay since I was about 5 years old. So, no sexuality crisis for me. This meant that I never really thought about having children; when people ask me if I'd like to give birth I can honestly say that it's never been something I've aspired to. Likewise I'd never really considered parenting, cos, you know, gay.

Anyway, then I managed to somehow get myself into a good healthy relationship with a straight girl from New Zealand (see how my general neurosis/commitment phobia truly tries it's best to heap me with rejection?). Almost ten years later and I'm just about realising that not only is this relationship working, that it may actually last and that I am in fact married - as you can tell I am remarkably thick for someone who teaches - but that I am about to become a parent. In about 10-12 weeks.

Stay with me, there is a thread here. In her email Patti mentioned her lack of maternal instinct and, if I am honest, I never really considered that I had one either. But perhaps I do. Here's the evidence -

- I love my dog and once got very shouty at an old lady who hit her with a stick
- I have become quite keen on the supermarket and doing domestic cookery type things (roast chicken this evening, in case you're interested)
- I bought, without prompting, some baby blankets
- I saw I baby today and thought "I want one of those", which is probably just as well, all things considered.

Actually, that's crap evidence isn't it? I'm just relieved that I didn't see the baby earlier and think "oh shit". Ha ha ha!

No, the truly important news is that there's a new Bond movie out next week. Nice.

Patti Thompson...

you're just a maverick!

Was trying to post a photo of a puppy to calm my nerves, but the bastard thing won't work.

Bugger.

Why some people are just manky bigoted arseholes...

I know, I know, I'm supposed to be out there skipping with joy because Obama won the presidency, but I still have some of the grump left in me, and for a variety of reasons.

However, can I first say thank fuck Sarah Palin is not the vice president of the USA. For a minute there I was very very afraid.

Right. Back to it. My current "issues".

1. Superdrug doesn't exist in NZ, which means I can't buy the only face scrub that stops my skin going beserk.
2. Superdrug does have an online shop, but they won't have any of the aforementioned scrub for a few months.
3. Since I drastically cut back on my alcohol consumption (it was making me crazy in the head) I have developed a fetish for Chew-ets Original Dark Peanut Chews - these appear to be being phased out in NZ.
4. Our fuckwit student neighbours kept launching fireworks all through the night; the dog was not pleased and kept us awake.
5. I've just made a cup of tea & realised that I am almost out of sugar.
6. A very good friend of ours has been 'retrenched' from his job.

BUT here's the biggy

7. California, and a couple of other US states, have just voted to permanently ban gay marriage. In fact some states, I think Arkansas is one, has made it law that no relationship except marriage between a man and a woman has any legal validity at all.

What a bunch of small-minded, homophobic, bigoted, not really getting the message of Christianity, badly dressed (that's a guess), scummy manky shitheads.

Oh, I do apologise for not being considered equal or human enough to be allowed the same basic rights as you.

Perhaps I shouldn't lose my temper? After all Jo & I have only been together for 10 years, marginally longer than my brother and his wife (just using you as an example, hope you're okay with that?), and yet it is obvious that our relationship should in no way have the same status as theirs. Why? Because we are dirty lesbos, I presume.

Yes, I do live in NZ and not the USA, but this kind of thing just drives me nuts. Just at a time when everyone is getting their knickers in a twist about "change", they have to go and spoil it by behaving in such a scaredy cat "gays are threatening marriage" manner. And, pray tell, how exactly are we threatening marriage? I've never even met marriage, let alone threatened it. Are they worried people will stop getting married in case we think they are gay? I don't get it. I thought the point of it was to make a public declaration of your commitment, which subsequently has evolved into a complex series of legal commitments and rights mainly associated with property & inheritance.

Or is it because married couples pay less tax in alot of places and they're worried about losing the revenue from taxing the infamous "pink pound"? Because you know all gay people are rolling in cash...

On the bright side this legislation may be overturned as unconstitutional, because fundamentally it is a small group of people denying rights to a large group of people. This explains it better -

“If the voters approved an initiative that took the right to free speech away from women, but not from men, everyone would agree that such a measure conflicts with the basic ideals of equality enshrined in our constitution. Proposition 8 suffers from the same flaw – it removes a protected constitutional right - here, the right to marry - not from all Californians, but just from one group of us,” said Jenny Pizer, Senior Counsel with Lambda Legal. “That’s too big a change in the principles of our constitution to be made just by a bare majority of voters.” (a clever lawyer person in San Francisco)

I should revel in the fact that this clearly demonstrates that the Americans, despite many protestations of the opposite, do in fact understand irony. Particularly Mr Obama who acknowledged in his Chicago victory speech that gay people were in fact alive and voting in America. Maybe he'll do them a favour and give them some other rights too.

And if I am really really lucky, NZ will embrace this time of "change" and in our general election on Saturday vote out a perfectly good Labour government in favour of a right wing twat simply because "it's time for a change". If you're interested in why he is a twat here's one simple example - he wants to sell state/council housing to the incumbent owners because he claims everyone has the right to own property. What a tosser. He also thinks increased literacy would cut crime. Wanker.

I am now going for a lie down in a darkened room.

Piss Poor Excuses

Yes, it actually is October and I have many many weak excuses for not having written anything for ages.

Not that anyone will read this, except maybe Mr Bell, and I don't blame you because I haven't written anything for ages.

Karmically I am being punished for this by listening to a bargain CD I bought last week and it is dreadful.

So, my excuses -

1. I have been very distracted by last minute course writing for the class I am currently teaching. Of course, I have had at least 6 months to write the class, but its much more fun to try to put together a 2 hour long class on a variety of topics that I haven't looked at for years in the preceeding 48 hours.
2. I bought myself an ipod. And? Well, I set it up on the PC and have spent hours loading and accidentally deleting music. Not only did this occupy a good deal of my time, but it also chewed its way through a chunk of the remaining disk space on the PC. The PC then suggested I get rid of a load of unwanted files, and these included the set up page for this blog.

To cut a long story short I can't seem to access this blog from the PC and I do most of my work on the PC. Thus, no blog for a while.

3. It's been cold and wintery and sitting in front of the TV in a warm living room is much preferable to sitting in front of a keyboard in a cold office.
4. I am a lazy git.
5. I've been trying to avoid becoming a baby bore - I will attempt to keep baby news to the basics. Do NOT expect this to continue when I become a full-time parent next year and have nothing else to talk about.

I think that's all the obvious excuses covered.

Jo's Pregnancy Fact File -
- we do know the baby's gender, but are keeping it low key because the dad doesn't want to know
- it's a kicky/punchy/wriggly wee thing

Will try to get better at blogging, honest.

Especially for you, David.

Firstly, WMP is Windows Media Player, ie the little fandangly inbuilt music thingy on Windows. Unfortunately it keeps butchering my CDs when I try to rip them, so not quite the rousing success I claimed.

Secondly, it's nowhere near September. You do exaggerate.

Plus, I have a good (sort of) reason for being absent. Actually that isn't at all true, my true reason for being absent is that I haven't been doing much office work and haven't really been near the computer except to check email once in a while. However, I do have news...

Jo's pregnant.

Beat that if you can!

Adios,

S

Now here's a shocker.

I am supposed to be working on my evening class (which restarts tomorrow evening with a grand total of 35 attendees), but having massacred my powerpoint presentation I have decided it is time to blog.

Coincidence? I don't think so.

In fact, I appear to mostly blog when I am stuck at my desk and 'working'. FYI I am listening to David Arnold's version of "Live & Let Die" featuring Chrissie Hynde utilising my stupendous scarab design WMP. Procrastinate? Never.

In case you care, the picture above has nothing to do with anything in this post. It was added on a whim.

News, news, news. Not much. Have been mostly dog-walking, working, attemping to hill run (the downhill part is much easier than the uphill), reading alot of trashy books, watching alot of trashy tv, watching the All Blacks slaughter England, trying to sell old car, getting used to driving new car, trying to avoid driving altogether due to price of petrol and finally getting around to watching films I should have watched ages ago. Namely, "Sweeney Todd" and "No Country For Old Men", both of which I thoroughly enjoyed (Anton Sigur is my new hero, you gotta love a man with standards).

So, that's that.

Just thought I'd let you know.

S

Shirley Knott (don't call me Shirley)

Yep, it's me.

What news?
1. The drugs are working, though getting up at 6.30am to get to work for 7am is killing me.
2. Winter is kicking in.
3. I still haven't figured out my PhD question, though still planning on doing PhD.
4. Have bought a new secondhand car - a 'compact SUV', so now we are those people.
5. I am wrestling hugely with my middle class guilt/principles over buying aforementioned car (even though it was my idea).
6. Have finished teaching my evening class and LOVED IT. Have been asked to repeat the class and set up a new one for August (hooray for me).
7. Jo is lovely.
8. So's Gert.
9. The Hurricanes are doing quite well this year.

For anyone who may be interested in clarification about what "the drugs are working" means, all I can say is that when I was walking the dog the other day I sang a new and improved variation of "Little Donkey" to her whilst laughing to myself like a simpleton. And then I told Jo and did a repeat performance (Jo joined in, which may explain why we are married). The dog thought it was shit and ignored me.

Speaking of great songs, I strongly urge you to go to Youtube and check out "Batfly" by Fat Cat & Fish Face. I was also singing this during my dog walking antics.

Why do I tell people this stuff? Must be the tablets...

Dog day care

Just an update.

Have been to see the doctor. He innocuously enough asked how I was at which point I shrugged, muttered "if I was okay I wouldn't be here" and promptly burst into tears. Very cool.

I have drugs and have been sent for blood tests, just to check that it isn't anything else, and about 2 weeks to keep trudging on until the chemicals kick in.

Yee-hah.

The Black Dog

Yeah, I know. I haven't been too available recently, but I am sincerely hoping that things will change over the next few weeks.

If I'm honest the reason for this is that I haven't been feeling top notch. Before Christmas I was driving myself crazy trying to get every single pointless fact/piece of trivia about ancient Egypt into my head before the Big Trip, then there was the Big Trip and my return/decompression period, and now there is a week of 12 hour days awaiting me at the NZ Festival of the Arts, rapidly followed by the start of my (hopefully) inaugrual seminar series at the university. Plus, of course, we squeezed in a week in Sydney and I am planning the start of a Ph.D.

Though these acted as a pretty effective diversionary tactic, I've noticed that, after an absence of almost 5 or 6 years, my bastarding depression is back. Thus, the black dog (cool picture, don't you think?).

It's taken me a while to realise that it's not going away of it's own accord. I've been doing all the right things healthwise, but still I am tired all the time, utterly unmotivated, genuinely don't see the purpose of doing anything, my temper is irrational (and foul), and there's those tricky and far too frequent random bursts of crying, amongst its cornucopia of delights. So, tomorrow morning it's off to the doctor with me to get some magic tablets (and maybe someone to talk to).

I will say this only once - I DO NOT WANT ANY SYMPATHY EMAILS/PHONE CALLS. Even if you are a close relative. All they seem to do is make me lose my temper and rant on and on.

I will be fine. I've dealt with this before and I know that's what I need to do, deal with it.

Just wait until I'm back on form and obssessing about Ph.D stuff. Oh how you will suffer.

love
S

Still tired

But this is simply due to a lack of sleep, and not even for a fun reason.

We spent the weekend up at the beach in a bed that was too small and under a duvet that was too hot. Last night, back in my own bed (neither too small nor too hot), my plans for a decent night's sleep were scuppered by a combination of a really quite impressive thunderstorm and corking period pain. When I got to work at 8.30 I asked (and I thought I asked nicely) if it would be okay if I didn't work on the counter because I feeling a little un-customer friendly. Wrong question. So, instead of working on the counter I got sent home with a flea in my ear.

Here I am now, absent mindedly surfing the net and trying to think of a suitable topic for a PhD.

After 3 weeks of Nile madness - an immensely draining 21 days of being asked everything and nothing, cleverly combined with jet-lag, sleep-deprivation and one of worst colds I have had in years - I have been persuaded than pursuing a PhD would be in my best interests.The only problem with this is that I cannot for the life of me think of a research topic. I would quite happily follow on from my MA dissertation, but I've heard that this is not the done thing, and I don't know how viable my other ideas are.

I shall refrain from further discussion of this subject here; it's going to get self-indulgent and rambling without your assistance or involvement. But I only thought it fair that you should be warned that I am somewhat distracted.

I'm sure you'd rather hear about Egypt.

1. It was cold. As soon as it got dark in Cairo you could see your own breath. I spent a large amount of my time wearing at least 3 layers of clothing, which was rather distressing for the people travelling with me because it meant I did the "bloke thing" of wearing the same clothes all the time.
2. Eating nothing except well-cooked (not the same as well-prepared) hotel food for 3 weeks results in bloating and constipation. Why don't hotels provide good local food, instead of generic "European" food that tastes like arse and will probably give you food poisoning anyway? Bastards. You will pleased to know that since my return I have eaten a vast array of leafy vegetabales and salad. Constipation is no longer an issue (pun intended).
3. People delude themselves about their fitness/stamina. I think a few of my tour "guests" will think long and hard the next time they consider a 3 week trip to somewhere more exotic than their corner shop. BUT no one died or had to be sent to a hospital (an airport medical clinic does not count as a hospital in my book), and some of them even thanked me for dealing with their vomiting/pooing and getting them a doctor.
4. If you are ever visiting Egypt on a tight budget attach yourself to a large group and identify yourself as "tour leader". This means you find it almost impossible to pay for anything, as the locals seem to give you credit for bringing them business. I wasn't even allowed to pay for a chocolate bar in a service station. The downside is that you have to accept varying degrees of crap "gifts". At first I tried to argue and pay my way, but then I realised resistance was futile and just gave up.
5. Being a "tour leader" means that you are provided with, sometimes graphic, details of the bowel movements of members of the tour group at various times of the day. In Alexandria I had three such conversations before I'd even had a coffee (approximately 7am) - I only had toast that morning.
6. The only way I managed to get any free time was to shut myself in my room and not do anything, which wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I headed to Egypt. However, they did have "Alias" and "Grey's Anatomy" on the hotel TV, so it could have been worse. The Nile Cruise boat showed "Titantic". I didn't watch it.
7. I got asked alot of slightly useless questions (though I guess they weren't without validity) such as "Where is the cartouche reading Sety I?", erm, well there isn't one that says that, but I can point out Menmaatra Sety (meryenptah), does that help and will it mean anything at all when you get home? I sincerely doubt it.

If you were wondering, yes I am going again. Probably next year. What a glutton for punishment.

Umanek - the lost pharaoh

This entry will be brief, mainly due to the fact that I am still shattered and recovering from 3 solid weeks of tour leading a group of 41 people from one end of Egypt to the other (see photo).

Amongst the many adventures that I will relate on this page, once I am somewhat returned to normal, are one of the more interesting massages I have experienced and my now extensive knowledge of anti-vomit/diarrhoea drugs and treatments. Aren't you envious?

The journey home consisted of 36 hours without sleep and it is only now, 4 days after my return, that the spaced out feeling and faint taste of toxins appear to have left my body. Plus, I had to endure room cleaning 'antics' that turned my bath towles into this...

Old stuff; wish me luck!

This time tomorrow I'll be in Auckland waiting for my flight to Brisbane, then waiting for my flight to Singapore, then waiting for my flight to Dubai and, finally, waiting for my flight to Cairo.

Around about 30 hours after leaving Wellington, NZ, I should (fingers crossed) find myself & my tour group in the swanky luxury of the Moevenpick Pyramids Hotel just a short skip & hop from ye olde pyramides of Giza. At which point I plan to head to my room and pass out for a few hours.

I hope that I'll be able to get some decent internet access and if you are lucky I'll be updating from my travels - Cairo, Luxor, Aswan, Alexandria & Sinai - and not just seething quietly.

Arrividerci!