Dog day care

Just an update.

Have been to see the doctor. He innocuously enough asked how I was at which point I shrugged, muttered "if I was okay I wouldn't be here" and promptly burst into tears. Very cool.

I have drugs and have been sent for blood tests, just to check that it isn't anything else, and about 2 weeks to keep trudging on until the chemicals kick in.

Yee-hah.

The Black Dog

Yeah, I know. I haven't been too available recently, but I am sincerely hoping that things will change over the next few weeks.

If I'm honest the reason for this is that I haven't been feeling top notch. Before Christmas I was driving myself crazy trying to get every single pointless fact/piece of trivia about ancient Egypt into my head before the Big Trip, then there was the Big Trip and my return/decompression period, and now there is a week of 12 hour days awaiting me at the NZ Festival of the Arts, rapidly followed by the start of my (hopefully) inaugrual seminar series at the university. Plus, of course, we squeezed in a week in Sydney and I am planning the start of a Ph.D.

Though these acted as a pretty effective diversionary tactic, I've noticed that, after an absence of almost 5 or 6 years, my bastarding depression is back. Thus, the black dog (cool picture, don't you think?).

It's taken me a while to realise that it's not going away of it's own accord. I've been doing all the right things healthwise, but still I am tired all the time, utterly unmotivated, genuinely don't see the purpose of doing anything, my temper is irrational (and foul), and there's those tricky and far too frequent random bursts of crying, amongst its cornucopia of delights. So, tomorrow morning it's off to the doctor with me to get some magic tablets (and maybe someone to talk to).

I will say this only once - I DO NOT WANT ANY SYMPATHY EMAILS/PHONE CALLS. Even if you are a close relative. All they seem to do is make me lose my temper and rant on and on.

I will be fine. I've dealt with this before and I know that's what I need to do, deal with it.

Just wait until I'm back on form and obssessing about Ph.D stuff. Oh how you will suffer.

love
S