Is it weird?

that everytime I sit down to add something to the blog I have an overwhelming urge to make a cup of tea? Or is it some OCD type affliction? Anyway, I'll be back in a moment or two. Luckily now I have moved my office downstairs & it's alot easier to make tea. Well, it's not easier, that makes no sense, it's more convenient.

Would appear that I am in a grammatical mood today. Lucky you.

Of course, you know what blogging means - yes, I should be working. But, and this is a big BUT, I cannot be arsed. Though I'm sure I'll get around to it later, at some point, maybe.

I've had a couple of emails from my lovely friend Patti, whom I used to work with many moons ago when we were bright youngs things wasting our lives at EH in London, and is now very sensibly living in a lovely apartment right across the street from Trader Joe's somewhere in the USA (I'm being discreet, so that she won't get stalked). When we first met she was married and I was shacked up with an ex, something we were both far too young to be doing (oh how we wasted our youth on them!), and we bonded over a mutual streak of jaded cynicism and love of coffee. Somehow, we ended up in very different places, and we went through a couple of years of 'estrangement', possibly because we became flatmates at a point in my life when I was fucked in the head, but I still consider her one of my most reliable sounding boards. She's very cool and has a fabulous sense of self (though I'm sure she'd deny it) and one of the few people I actually want to impress.

Why am I going on about this? Because I'm about to become a parent. And I never really considered that I would be.

When I was a little girl, something that seems rather alien in retrospect, I spent most of time wanting to be a cowboy, a viking, Spartacus or Starsky. Oh yes, I was very very much of the gay. In fact, when I came out to my mum she said that she'd known that I was gay since I was about 5 years old. So, no sexuality crisis for me. This meant that I never really thought about having children; when people ask me if I'd like to give birth I can honestly say that it's never been something I've aspired to. Likewise I'd never really considered parenting, cos, you know, gay.

Anyway, then I managed to somehow get myself into a good healthy relationship with a straight girl from New Zealand (see how my general neurosis/commitment phobia truly tries it's best to heap me with rejection?). Almost ten years later and I'm just about realising that not only is this relationship working, that it may actually last and that I am in fact married - as you can tell I am remarkably thick for someone who teaches - but that I am about to become a parent. In about 10-12 weeks.

Stay with me, there is a thread here. In her email Patti mentioned her lack of maternal instinct and, if I am honest, I never really considered that I had one either. But perhaps I do. Here's the evidence -

- I love my dog and once got very shouty at an old lady who hit her with a stick
- I have become quite keen on the supermarket and doing domestic cookery type things (roast chicken this evening, in case you're interested)
- I bought, without prompting, some baby blankets
- I saw I baby today and thought "I want one of those", which is probably just as well, all things considered.

Actually, that's crap evidence isn't it? I'm just relieved that I didn't see the baby earlier and think "oh shit". Ha ha ha!

No, the truly important news is that there's a new Bond movie out next week. Nice.