It would appear that

I am boring.

Jo thinks I spend far too much time blogging/texting/tweeting. I have tried to explain that this is an almost unavoidable side-effect of working at home on a desk-based project, but I fear that maternity leave may be fraught with demands to "come and watch a DVD and stop being so boring".



Gert doesn't think I'm boring. She thinks I rock.

So there.

"My name is GYA and I am a first aider."

Two days of first aid training completed. Should you fall from a great height, collapse, crash your car, choke etc etc etc in my general vicinity I am now qualified to leap to your assistance and announce myself with a flourish.

I was a little disappointed that we didn't get to practise emergency tracheotomy or run along along a corridor with a prone victim on a trolley, but I was tested with the most magnificent scenario - a man carrying a heavy box has fallen down the stairs, possible broken pelvis, severe carpet burn on thigh, and has now been jumped on by a nosy cat causing him to go into anaphylaxis. You will be relieved to hear that he lived.

Quite a bizarre group too. Most interesting/entertaining was Andrey the Russian IT guy (well Kurgistan, if we're being pernickity), who looked disturbingly like David Walliams and said things like "When I was child I was digging for worms and I cut hand on broken glass - my father cleaned with vodka; this good?". At one point I was waiting for Jeremy Beadle to leap out, but then I remembered he was dead. So I assumed Jimmy Carr would be out there somewhere. He also started quite a fierce debate about how to treat poisoning as he was having none of the new fangled idea that making the poisonee throw up was daft and might kill them. Choking on vomit obviously not commonplace in Kurgistan.

And did you know they don't recommend using antiseptic on cuts these days; just a good rinse with clean water.

So...January 2010 Egypt I'll be ready for them. Fling yourselves off as many olde monumentes as you will, I will wrench you into the recovery position and introduce myself whether you want to or not.

In other news, the midwife (just typed midwaif...the Kate Moss of prenantal care) thinks Wolfie might be a couple of days early. Will let you know.

I'm off to define the role of royal women in 18th dynasty Egypt. Adios!

The Final Countdown

Only 10 days to go...

Dogs are brilliant

Because they make sure that you actually get off your fat bum and do some exercise.

Unless you are the dog owner I saw this morning who drove to the top of a park, let their dog out to take a dump, sat in their car reading the paper, put dog back in car and drove off.

They did not pick up the poo.

I am starting to get a little concerned about myself.

I’m spending waaaay too much time sat at a desk; half the time writing evening classes, half the time surfing the net. I’ve even found myself signing up to Twitter, which strikes me as vaguely pointless as I don’t think I know anyone else who is signed up to it. Though, and people who knew me when I was 17 will find this hilarious/disturbing, Wendy & Lisa are on there, so now I can share their daily trivia. Strangely, it’s not that fascinating; I must be growing up or something. Now I really want to buy myself a netbook so I can gad about and do work all over the place wirelessly. I did try the laptop thing a few years ago, but find them a pain in the arse to lug around and now they have these new fandangly lightweight mini things. After some intense negotiation with Jo it’s been agreed that I can indulge myself in an Aspire One in May when I become sole at home parent, and then I’ll be able to blog, write, and surf yada yada yada from anywhere. Allowing for baby vomit on the keyboard, of course.

The imminent arrival of Wolfie Sparks (Jo has vetoed Wolfgang Spartacus as a name, but I think a nickname will suffice), who shall be formally known as Ben, combined with summer weather in this neck of the woods means that Jo is a little housebound. Aside from going to work, of course. I mean why wouldn’t you be in the office a week before you’re due to give birth? I suppose I could go out and do my own thing, but I would feel a little disloyal/unsupportive. Instead we’ve been mostly watching ‘Battlestar Galactica’…

I swear I wasn’t going to watch it, but my fellow TV goober Kim, stitched me up by dumping 4 seasons of BG in our letterbox just before Christmas. We are now mid-way through the 3rd series and it’s all terribly serious. I would like to think I’ve simply been charmed by the presence of Mary McDonnell as El Presidente, but I am also using it to realise my current Spartacus fixation – are the cylons the slave rebellion? Will the 12th cylon be Kirk Douglas? On which note, is America such a vile place that voting in an African-American is so radical? ‘They’ keep going on about how anyone can be voted President now, but I won’t be holding my breath for a disabled lesbian. In any context.

What other excitement? Pre-birth Ben managed to kick me in the head yesterday. Ta for that. Gert & I have been continuing our outdoorsy odyssey up and down the many and varied trails across Mount Victoria, combining hearty fresh air hikes with tennis ball chasing.

Why do they always seem to use Clannad-esque music to convey pathos on these TV shows? It’s very distracting.

I am also discovering that sleep deprivation starts pre-birth, which is odd seeing as I’m not pregnant. Jo is finding it increasingly difficult to get comfortable at night despite a vast amount of pillows propping her up from every angle and that, in turn, means I get about as much sleep. Thankfully I work from home, so there’s nowhere to be at 9am (except staggering up the aforementioned trails) and I can self-medicate with coffee.

In other news, I saw a headline today stating that there’s a glut of NZ wine. I’m still wary of the booze, these days it screws with my mind and my sleep, so I’ve taken to just the occasional glass of something fancy (Beach House Syrah is my current choice) because it seems like such a phenomenal waste to live in one of the best wine-producing countries in the world and not take advantage. Still keeping my eyes open for a good local viognier in memory of Maurice Goldsmith. Reckon I’m going to become one of those parents who has the odd shandy at Christmas and birthdays? Gets a bit giddy and embarrassing after 2 glasses of sherry?

And I thought this was knackered

I would appear that this is now working on my PC, which is great news as it means I can spend even more time avoiding actual work whilst sitting at my desk.

Only 13 days until due date and have finally finished 1st draft of new class (starts March). Determined to get it neatly finished by the end of this week as well as doing a rock n' roll 2 day first aid course. I refuse to be caught out by random injuries on the next tour. I also plan to spend alot more time in my room watching Egyptian TV and ordering room service.

New Year's Resolution = daily epic dog walk to top of Mount Victoria and back. About 4 mile round trip, but feels like more due to very steep bits. Have realised that flip flops + steep hills + pine needles + hyper dog = sliding on arse. Sliding on arse downhill = undignified. Have been running sections of it, but not at weekends because that would be far too much like dedication.